When I read Joe Baker’s interview where he said “84% of post-abortive women felt abortion was their only choice” I was taken back. We live in a society where “choice” and “women’s right to choose” drives our desire to keep abortion legal. Choice? According to this statistic it doesn’t really seem to be a “choice”. That’s heartbreaking to me. As an adoptive mom of three children I have witnessed firsthand how adoption is a loving option to abortion. I have also learned that adoption isn’t well understood. I can’t help but wonder…if more people knew the beauty of adoption and how it works, would more women and men faced with an unintended pregnancy see another choice and choose life for their child? My husband and I adopted three beautiful children through domestic infant adoption. Domestic Infant Adoption means the children are born in the US and are placed with adoptive families as newborns or infants. In our case, 2 of our children were born in Texas and one in California. My husband and I were both in the delivery room when our oldest son was born. Our second son was born via emergency C-section so we got to him when he was 15 hours old. I was in the delivery room when our youngest was born; my husband was just landing in Houston. When our children were released from the hospital they were released to us. We met our children’s birth mothers during the pregnancy. Birth mothers and birth fathers have complete control over what happens to their unborn child. Whether or not to go through with an adoption is completely their decision. The laws in the US protect birth mothers and birth fathers from being coerced or bribed in any way. No legal paperwork can be signed by a birthmother until after the baby is born. A birth mother can change her mind at any time without any consequences until she signs the paperwork to relinquish her parental rights and that signature becomes irrevocable. The laws for adoption vary from state to state so check specific state laws for details. Birth mothers and birth fathers also have the option to choose the adoptive family for their child. This is often done by viewing profiles of prospective adoptive families. These profiles include pictures, letters and stories telling a birth parent all about the adoptive family. Birth mothers and birth fathers can also if they want to talk to or possibly even meet the adoptive family before the baby is born. We spoke to all of our children’s birth mothers on the phone before they were born. We even flew to Texas and met with one of birth mothers in person before our oldest son was born. Talking to our birth mothers during the pregnancy was a great way for us to get to know them and them to know us. We shared stores, we bonded, and we built trust. I always found it funny that they were relieved to discover that my husband and I and our family really are just like what they read and saw in our profiles!
Together, birth parents and adoptive parents decide how much contact there will be after the baby is born. Some adoptions are semi-open where no identifying information is exchanged and all interaction is managed by adoption professional like an adoption agency.
Adoption is often a story of triumph over very difficult circumstances. A woman finds herself pregnant, unintentionally. That can be a very scary and lonely place. The father of the baby may or may not be in the picture. Parenting the child doesn’t seem possible or a viable option but she knows there is a life there that she inherently loves. Adoptive parents often come to adoption as a result of infertility. That was our case. We felt heartbroken, defeated and scared that we would never become parents and share our love with a child of our own. Then, of course, is the unborn child with no voice that is just hanging on for a chance at life. Then something beautiful happens, the birth parents and the adoptive parents find each other through the process of domestic infant adoption. Adoptive parents give the child a life and family that the birth parents want for their child but cannot give. Birth parents give adoptive parent a gift beyond gifts, a child to love. The joy that birth parents give not only to the adoptive parents but their entire family is beyond measure. And, the unborn child is given life. Love is what drives this exchange. Love is what triumphs!