This article was lovingly submitted to us by a birth mother from our adoption support group…
I have found through my life that some people like to pick and choose what rules the Lord has given us to follow. I had always been a person that said I do not believe in abortion. No matter what the reason. Others would start the “What if” game. What if you were too young? What if the father left you? What if you didn’t want to have a baby? What if you were going to die if you carried the baby to term? What if you were raped? I always replied I hope I will never have to make those decisions. But I believe I would still hold my ground.
My beliefs would be put to the test in my 40’s. I had been blessed with 3 beautiful children that were all adults at the time. When I became pregnant, I had to face not just one of those reasons I had been asked in my younger years but multiple reasons to abort. I am happy to say I chose Life!
When I realized I was pregnant, the only thing I knew for sure was I was not in the position to raise a child. I was no longer married. I worked long hours. I was back in school. To say nothing of the circumstances of how I became pregnant. Let’s just say they were not pleasant.
I was lost.
I decided to find loving people to raise and love my child as their own. But where to start? I had no idea. So I prayed…and prayed and prayed. I turned to the internet to find help. I did a search for adoptions in California. A link came up; I read about it and then put it off. I went back to that site a number of times before I actually wrote to them. Please do not think this was easy. It was not. I felt so lost and alone. I had not told anyone about this at this time. I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone; I felt as if I didn’t do anything, it was not real. When the baby moved, I could not ignore the facts any longer. So I took action.
I contacted the agency. They sent me a questionnaire, what did I want from this adoption, did I want to have a relationship with the family and child. Did I want a certain religion, so many of the answers were whatever is best for the baby? Then they take the answers I gave and match them with people that want the same things. They sent me about 30 profiles of families, pictures of them and their homes and their families. It felt like a million! How was I going to make this decision? I remember sitting on my bed with all these profiles spread out on my bed. I was a bit overwhelmed. I put them aside more than once. Then I did it. I am a very logical thinker. So I did process of elimination, after all it was my baby I get to decide who fits the criteria for a perfect parent. I wanted a mother that was willing to stay home with her children at least till they went to school. I wanted extended family for my child. I wanted people that LOOKED happy together. One profile kept coming to the top of the stack.
I chose Jim and Diane. At this time I had told my children and my best friend. I remember saying to my daughter, I have chosen a family. If they say no then you have to choose. Well they said yes.
The Adoption agency made a phone appointment with them; it was a 3 way call. The agency, Jim and Diane and myself. I would say about 5 minutes into this call Diane and I forgot anyone else was there and we started talking as if we had known each other forever. We had a match!!!
Let’s fast forward to the birth…. When I was pregnant with my children, it was normal for my blood pressure to go up a bit in the last two months of my pregnancy. Well this one was no different, but it went way up. I had to have an emergency caesarian section so unfortunately Jim and Diane were not able to be there for the birth. They arrived that evening. Two of my three children were there to meet them and my Sister. I remember the nurse kicking everyone out because there were too many people in my room and I had a few complications they were dealing with. The next day was much better. Diane and I had finally met face to face. I remember her sitting in my room with baby Kimberly in her arms, She asked if I wanted to hold her, I said “ No” I was not ready for that yet. But as I looked at Diane I thought, this is a mother holding HER baby. Mothers hold their babies differently than other people hold a baby. She asked me how it felt to me with her holding Kimberly. I said it felt like she was holding her baby. This gave me great comfort that Kimberly was going to be loved as I had loved my children. It was strange leaving the hospital without a baby. Diane came up to me and hugged me. She was crying, I was crying, I said I would talk in a few days.
Each state has different rules about how long you have to stay in the state before you can leave in this situation. Jim, Diane and Kimberly had to stay awhile so that also helped with the separation. We saw each other A LOT!! We even went shopping on black Friday together.
For me, I took a situation that could have easily been hidden forever with one death. One procedure could have kept a secret and no one would have ever known. Well that is not accurate…
Kimberly would have known…….